it's impossible to write anything...
when there's an ambition
to write...
          an ambition and no...
ice-cold crispness of spontaneity...
when... there's not even
all the bad reasons to write...
like money: carrot...
or... leaving a plough-of-
bombing sensations of past
and lost lovers... some variation
of a stick...
   it's impossible to write anything...
when there's an ambition
to write...
it's impossible knowing:
at best... a framing of anon.:
namely you... 40 years ago and through
to a now... your's an epitaph...
a grinding of a tombstone hoping
for... chatter cheats among teeth...
and imitation cages of rib-cages
from skeletons...
to ache like a body might for
a shadow... in reverse:
to ache like shadow might...
for a dead-end of being...
superstitious and coincidental
for a loot of soul...
       a mind a pickling jar...
an ego a pickle coo-coo:
                            lots lost cheaper...
for an umbrella...
    to cite: because there's no
quote involved...
                   simon posford...
flux & contemplation:
portrait of an artist in insolation...
i have my variation...
portrait of art: as failure...
           the... unfucked-******-with: wit...
of... the son not crucified...
is leftover cranium base: foot and food...
for... she has such...
ambitions for becoming the AVE MARIA...
the crucifix junction is...
a brothel robbed of a madame...
sort of... exact... scenario...
     we were the ones to tow
the toothless dog before the graveyard
of horses... stinking of sweat
and... hierarchy... and shadow...
demands of architecture...
language complicated itself along the way...
we substituted rye bread slices
with rye fermentation extracts...
we found melancholic joys from
drinking whiskey...
we were best kept apart...
sons and mothers...
ghosts and making those tender
years... her fully catered years...
with... even children are not allowed /
or are governed by such justifications...
i stand firm against a quake...
the winds make me a *******:
unfrequenting these parts...
there's a hounding sensation of...
the affirming mother of the elements...
coupling with the senses...
there's never, though!
never, though! a mother... making
me... this far grieving being in-depted...
as this... trivial affair of...
towing boredom to the extremes
of: the loiter gob-smacker-shut-****-off!
the cowering father figure...
some... mother: at least an adolf...
would have... speeded up the concept of:
to the grave best attired... bullett gritty...
catching... chewing on sand...
proposing...
   a shot of tequilla be not...
drank with a lick of salt...
   but a lick of... ashes... lazarus' ashes...
ghosts with echoes...
the resurrected kin'...
                                                'dred...
how does one... escape a mother a smothering
cult... of each and every... pardonable...
excuse post-riddle: forgiven?
it's a bad idea to have ambition
to write...
   to write without spontaneity...
it's idiotic to make oneself
inconveniently... in want of either money...
or... success on the breeding market...

           one can be forgiven with
having a mother... one can't exactly be forgiven
with having a wife...
esp. if one is... appeasing the...
already exploited avenue of re-,
   i welcome myself as a failure...
for the sole reason that i know what success
implies...
pride wet-locked egoism of...
when females congregate...
to boast of... ah... yes...
their offspring... not born from
alpha-male stature...
                  
      hence the greek alphabetical hierarchy...
omega's wording...
              shadow loiter...
it's almost funny:
the phrase... perhaps... perhaps we could
do some worshipping?
   oh forget about dividing will
and belief...
                   into something congregationally:
synonymous...

how does one... hide...
when your own mother abhors her own mother...
worships her father...
as a pseudo of man...
as a quasi of man...
                 to have had to marry...
it would have been easier:
it would have been... necessary...
to be... excused... as a homosexual...
i think my mother hoped for giving birth
to a homosexual...
rather than... a mongrel of...
solipsism and misanthropy...
   rejected by the "jedi" academy...
if i was the earning bread... and dough...
   and not some... loitering pass...
of a crossword puzzle...
we needed people to not... over-complicated
themselves...
we needed... safe avenues of...
earned wealth... that became...
running mates for others to earn theirs...
even if the... nuance...
came from... the dentist...
who desired toys...
             and the toys / dolls thust manufactured...

my words are no bricks... not glue...
nothing: to be invested by for the living...
except... by a living: in my own...
own invested in: post-mortem...
                        
                     i have a wild dream... though...
unlike the one concerning...
a... trampoline dachshund... spinning like crazy...
like a tony hawk...
   a wild wild dream...
me setting off to swim from norfolk...
to... norway...
        
beside having the concept
of a mother: i have a minder...
someone who desires... most...
to over-stretch her... authority for a simple...
per se motive...
      i want this complication
to be over... i want to establish it
like some vain hope acrostic enigma...
vain: hoping it's not true...
             add to it a trough of
borrowed bad experiences with
"gill-fwends" of shared drowning
with them 'aving daddy issues...
how best: to **** one's way out of these...
mummified sessions of wasted
psychiatric jargon-hunter misnomers of
schlang and grafitti?

tough treat... "mother"...
my grandfather was invested with these...
napoleons of the ****...
my father is invested in one...
my uncle said a beautiful goodbye...
took to acting... pretending the godfather
role... and... what not...
    
            i reason with an anger that ends
up being me tattooing my knuckles
plum against a wall...
             i suffocate an anger...
helen of troy... i guess hoped to: try...
to suffocate...
but what she didn't...
        her inverted ******* of *****
did... otherwise...

for the sacrifices of the living...
and the dead with their most profound:
told you so aversions of boast and
bewildering loiter...
                    this is a medium invitation...
that there be a bridge: yet...
burning... but sure as ****...
on its way to... bellow: the chime...
the grieving / numb echo of bell and toll.