Jun 2013
2012
My life feels so dull. So empty I feel disconnected from myself, like I've forgotten what it feels like to have happy moments or to really feel sadness or even to truly laugh. My mind is always blank and i am always staring into space unable to do the simplest things. I cannot connect with others around me, I feel as if I am robotic and the bonds and people I once knew are so far away and I no longer have those memories or know these people. I see reality as just a n imaginary world. Fake world, everything is just fake, objects are objects. There are no meanings to the solid matter around me, at least I don't understand it, all the pictures in front of me are surreal and I go through time and everything is fragmented, minutes, hours, days, &months; are lost in the blink of an eye,& I constantly think, well where was I? I go through the motions of life and I have no control. I walk, I talk. I talk and the words are not mine, I feel there is a space between me and the voice that comes out of my mind. There is no real thought process, everything is blurry, like being ******. I wake up to look in the mirror and only be startled with questions like, who is she? Is that really me? I then talk to myself in the mirror sometimes, I talk to myself here and there just to see what it feels like. Just to try and connect to myself again, just to be personalized again and to fit inside my own skin. I have no motivation because of the numbness, fatigue, andfogginess.
My life feels so dull. So empty I feel disconnected from myself, like I've forgotten what it feels like to have happy moments or to really feel sadness or even to truly laugh. My mind is always blank and i am always staring into space unable to do the simplest things. I cannot connect with others around me, I feel as if I am robotic and the bonds and people I once knew are so far away and I no longer have those memories or know these people. I see reality as just a n imaginary world. Fake world, everything is just fake, objects are objects. There are no meanings to the solid matter around me, at least I don't understand it, all the pictures in front of me are surreal and I go through time and everything is fragmented, minutes, hours, days, &months; are lost in the blink of an eye,& I constantly think, well where was I? I go through the motions of life and I have no control. I walk, I talk. I talk and the words are not mine, I feel there is a space between me and the voice that comes out of my mind. There is no real thought process, everything is blurry, like being ******. I wake up to look in the mirror and only be startled with questions like, who is she? Is that really me? I then talk to myself in the mirror sometimes, I talk to myself here and there just to see what it feels like. Just to try and connect to myself again, just to be personalized again and to fit inside my own skin. I have no motivation because of the numbness, fatigue, andfogginess.
