If you come back
I won't let you
It won't be to open arms
And nothing will ever be the same again
Because I don't want us to be normal anymore
I don't want everything to be how it used to be
I want you to regret it
Not what you did
That was your choice and you always had that
No matter how much it would always hurt me
I want you to be sorry
I want you to be ashamed
Because of your heartless way
The cruelty in which you dug into my mind
And planted seeds of self doubt
The needless guilt you left me with
Without explanation
I want you to stay up thinking about
How you lead me on
It was unquestionable that anything could be wrong
We never even argued
I want you to have nightmares
About the last time we met
How it was you who made plans for our next date
Held me close to your heart
And said see you again
Eighty six minutes later you sent me a text
Fifteen years
And everything I had with you went down the drain
You told me about suppressed feelings
And things that didn't sit right
Vaguely you aimed your words at me
And hit the bull's-eye in my chest
I want your everyday
To be filled with recoil
I want everytime you look in the mirror
To see the shrapnel you lodged in my life
How difficult you made it for me to move on
And everytime you look at the sky
I want you to think about
How you loved me to the moon and back
Then suddenly had none left at all
I want you to have an overwhelming moment of loneliness overcome you each time you meet someone new
And remember how you judged me to not be good enough for you
Because you were progressing faster than I
And we were no longer on the same level
I want you to reach whatever it is you left me for
I pray you achieve your goal
But I want your success to stink of the remnants of the bleeding heart you waded through and know that you could have taken the stairs all along