2019

"Don't be silly."
"I was joking."
"Yeah you joke about that for what now, 3 years?!"

Yeah.
I've wished for this stupid thing for 3 years in a row.
It's just......easier, i think.
Rather than wishing that he'd come back,
i knew it wouldn't be the same.
I don't know if I could forgive him even if he actually shows up in front of me one day.

"It's because of him, isn't it?"

I stood there in silence.
It's not that I'm surprised of the question, but there's just nothing can come out of my mouth.

"Oh who cares, it's your birthday today. Let's just cut the cake already. I'm hungry!"

Now this is why you have to thank your other friend who's really good at breaking ice in this type of situation. To distract the cold air in the room.

"Leave me some. I have takeouts but I'm gonna want the cake."
"Sure, we'll leave you half of it."

Not more than 20 minutes later, they left.
Considering our houses are around an hour drive from each other, it's pretty late now since we all still have work the next day.


Around 15 minutes went by, one of them texts me.
"Hey I accidentally bring your stuff with me, otw back to return it. Sorry."

No big deal.
So i text back,
"Sure, it's fine. Just knock when you get here."

While waiting, I look around for 'the stuff' in the living room, but I can't find anything that's missing.
Maybe it's something in the bathroom? Bedroom? I don't know how long they've been here before I came home,
and what other room in this house that they used, I said to myself.
Since i'm already tired and sleepy, and it's late, i decide to just lay down on the couch to rest for a while.
But I figure if i lay down then I'll go straight to sleep in seconds, so well I just sit straight I guess.


Then there's a knock, and I immediately jumped from my couch straight to the door.
Usually, I will still take a second to look from the peephole, but who else could it be.

So I unlock the door, turn the ****, and swing the door open without hesitance.
.
.
.
and it's probably one of the worst decision to not peek from my peephole today.



"Um....hey.
Happy birthday."

I don't know if this is the sugar rush that the cake gave me,
or i'm just really tired and sleepy,
or if this is a dream.


I tried to move my hand to slap myself, they say do that if you're uncertain whether you're in a dream or reality.

If it hurts, then it's real.
But I can't move my hand, or my feet, or anything right at this moment.
But one thing's for sure,
it does hurt.
My heart hurts,
that's how I know it's real.


And the only one who can give me this much of a pain,

is him.