Jun 2020
2019
Today is my birthday.
I just got off from the bus, on the station nearest to my house.
It is 8.30 pm, the time that always left me confused, whether i should go take an evening stroll, or go to the nearest grocery store, or just straight home to rest.
Work finished really late today, so I decided to grab takeouts and take it home to eat. What a great way to end your birthday, don't you think?
At this age, birthdays don't really matter as huge as when you were in high school. Yes it is still somehow important, and especially for me, birthdays are constant reminder for you to look back and figure out what milestone have you reached this past year. And are the people who celebrate your birthday last year still celebrating it this year? If yes, great. If not, where are they now?
Yeah.
Where are you now?
/
It has been 4 years, since i last saw you.
Exactly 4 years,
since you left me on the day of my birthday.
It's funny,
it seems so long but it feels like yesterday.
I feel like it was just last night you came to my house, and knocked on my front door.
I remember you were bringing me a cake and a gift, i was beyond happy, and i invited you in.
I cut the cake, we took picture, you hugged me, then you looked me in the eye.
"I am leaving town tomorrow."
"Why?", I asked.
"Job, and i don't know for how long."
"Why?"
"My boss asked me, so I have to."
"No. I mean, why tomorrow?"
"The flight has been booked for me. First thing tomorrow morning. I guess they need me right away."
"But you'll come back, right?"
And you stood there in silence.
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?"
And the rest of the conversation is the part i tried so hard to erase ever since.
You said it's best for us to seperate, and things won't work out eventually even if we tried.
You said if it is meant to be, we will meet again at another time.
And right there, is what left me hanging until this very day,
should i try to wait, or brush it all off instead?
/
After the short stroll i took, that made my mind wandered back to you, i arrived home.
I realized that my front door is not locked, and made me panic right away.
I slowly open my door, with a plastic bag filled with food that i am ready to sacrifice as a weapon if there's an intruder at my house.
And,
it's just my friends.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", said all 3 of 'em.
Dang it. They must've asked my mom where I left my spare keys.
There's a cake with candles, and some balloons all around my living room.
"Come on, the candle's gonna melt anytime soon now!"
"Yeah hurry! We don't have spare candles."
"Fine."
"Wait. Make a wish first, you idiot."
"Adults don't do that anymore."
"I don't care. We still do."
"Come on. What would you wish for?"
I took a long pause, staring at the candles,
and I say without hesitance.
"Amnesia."
And blew out the candle with both of my eyes closed,
hoping the moment the fire burns out,
so does the memory of him.
Today is my birthday.
I just got off from the bus, on the station nearest to my house.
It is 8.30 pm, the time that always left me confused, whether i should go take an evening stroll, or go to the nearest grocery store, or just straight home to rest.
Work finished really late today, so I decided to grab takeouts and take it home to eat. What a great way to end your birthday, don't you think?
At this age, birthdays don't really matter as huge as when you were in high school. Yes it is still somehow important, and especially for me, birthdays are constant reminder for you to look back and figure out what milestone have you reached this past year. And are the people who celebrate your birthday last year still celebrating it this year? If yes, great. If not, where are they now?
Yeah.
Where are you now?
/
It has been 4 years, since i last saw you.
Exactly 4 years,
since you left me on the day of my birthday.
It's funny,
it seems so long but it feels like yesterday.
I feel like it was just last night you came to my house, and knocked on my front door.
I remember you were bringing me a cake and a gift, i was beyond happy, and i invited you in.
I cut the cake, we took picture, you hugged me, then you looked me in the eye.
"I am leaving town tomorrow."
"Why?", I asked.
"Job, and i don't know for how long."
"Why?"
"My boss asked me, so I have to."
"No. I mean, why tomorrow?"
"The flight has been booked for me. First thing tomorrow morning. I guess they need me right away."
"But you'll come back, right?"
And you stood there in silence.
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?"
And the rest of the conversation is the part i tried so hard to erase ever since.
You said it's best for us to seperate, and things won't work out eventually even if we tried.
You said if it is meant to be, we will meet again at another time.
And right there, is what left me hanging until this very day,
should i try to wait, or brush it all off instead?
/
After the short stroll i took, that made my mind wandered back to you, i arrived home.
I realized that my front door is not locked, and made me panic right away.
I slowly open my door, with a plastic bag filled with food that i am ready to sacrifice as a weapon if there's an intruder at my house.
And,
it's just my friends.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", said all 3 of 'em.
Dang it. They must've asked my mom where I left my spare keys.
There's a cake with candles, and some balloons all around my living room.
"Come on, the candle's gonna melt anytime soon now!"
"Yeah hurry! We don't have spare candles."
"Fine."
"Wait. Make a wish first, you idiot."
"Adults don't do that anymore."
"I don't care. We still do."
"Come on. What would you wish for?"
I took a long pause, staring at the candles,
and I say without hesitance.
"Amnesia."
And blew out the candle with both of my eyes closed,
hoping the moment the fire burns out,
so does the memory of him.
