Jun 2013
People tell me, more often than I usually admit, that there is something more meant for me.
Something more.
That's quite the statement. A very nice statement. But...what exactly does "something more" mean? What is this beyond I'm supposed to be on the cusp of finding? This higher existence, this ultimate place that I'm supposed to end up in and build my life from?
I get hurt, or rejected, or just plain forgotten, and people tell me "You deserve something more than this."
Do I?
I walk through my life, ordinary, just trying to muddle through and people say, "Oh, I think you're meant for more than this."
Am I?
And what, exactly, is there that is more than this? This something, beyond the confines of my current life. Pardon me for saying, but... I can't imagine more than all this. So I haven't got the girl. So I haven't got the job. So I haven't got the fame.
Yet.
Does that really mean I need something more? I thank the people who tell me it does. But my life goal is not finding something more than I've got. My quest in this world is to somehow accept and be happy with what I am, do, and have, already. Somehow, someday, I will find a way to be completely content with my life as it is, for all it lacks and for all my regrets and mistakes. For all the people who have overlooked or scorned me, I will rise above it inside myself.
I don't think there is more, honestly. This is it. This is my life. I'm glad I seem to deserve the world, and I'm glad to be told so. But I've got the world. My world. And I want to travel it, live in it, and become, somehow, comfortable in it. In my skin. As I am, without always grasping for more than I already have. Sure, I've got my dreams, my plans. And they're things that I very well could find and have in my time here. But...something more? Something more.
I'm not sure I want the pressure of "something more."
I think, if it's meant, the indefinable thing all these people are talking about will fall into my lap, and I'll be ready for it, because if it does, it won't be something more. It'll be the rest, the rest of what I already have.
And I'll be complete.
Something more.
That's quite the statement. A very nice statement. But...what exactly does "something more" mean? What is this beyond I'm supposed to be on the cusp of finding? This higher existence, this ultimate place that I'm supposed to end up in and build my life from?
I get hurt, or rejected, or just plain forgotten, and people tell me "You deserve something more than this."
Do I?
I walk through my life, ordinary, just trying to muddle through and people say, "Oh, I think you're meant for more than this."
Am I?
And what, exactly, is there that is more than this? This something, beyond the confines of my current life. Pardon me for saying, but... I can't imagine more than all this. So I haven't got the girl. So I haven't got the job. So I haven't got the fame.
Yet.
Does that really mean I need something more? I thank the people who tell me it does. But my life goal is not finding something more than I've got. My quest in this world is to somehow accept and be happy with what I am, do, and have, already. Somehow, someday, I will find a way to be completely content with my life as it is, for all it lacks and for all my regrets and mistakes. For all the people who have overlooked or scorned me, I will rise above it inside myself.
I don't think there is more, honestly. This is it. This is my life. I'm glad I seem to deserve the world, and I'm glad to be told so. But I've got the world. My world. And I want to travel it, live in it, and become, somehow, comfortable in it. In my skin. As I am, without always grasping for more than I already have. Sure, I've got my dreams, my plans. And they're things that I very well could find and have in my time here. But...something more? Something more.
I'm not sure I want the pressure of "something more."
I think, if it's meant, the indefinable thing all these people are talking about will fall into my lap, and I'll be ready for it, because if it does, it won't be something more. It'll be the rest, the rest of what I already have.
And I'll be complete.
