I don't have a reason to be sad.
I've been told quite a lot that there's no substantial trauma from my interaction with the world.
That I have a life that seems to be significantly solid and constant.

Regardless of my cries and need to not be the strong person in every aspect of my life or anyone's life that I seem to be in.
I've been put in a case where I'M SUPPOSED TO BE STRONG.

I've cried to the walls and I've been comforted by the cold corners,
But none of that has ever been of human support.
And man, it's hard.
Hiding my pain
Taking all their strains
and it's hard.

It's painful
Because here I stand, scrapes and bruises all over my mental and there's no one to tell me everything will be fine.

No one to hold me tight, hug me and be strong for me.

I can't be strong for myself because I've drained all my energy on everyone else but me.

And at the back of my mind, something is telling me to numb the pain
But I don't want to go back there again.
At the same time, I'm afraid I'm already there.