This slow down
has brought me in
and wrapped me up.
Two months gone
in a flash, yet
so laden with the
weight of sadness,
reeking of death
and others' misery.

I remain swaddled
within the arms
of this strange
veil, sinking into
the tranquility
while amidst
the teeming anxiety
of complete uncertainty
and consistent misinformation.

All I can know
is my own life
and sit in stillness
to the rhythm of
my own heartbeat.

But to sit
fully still and
remain enveloped
in the solitude when
chaos swirls around
is exhausting in some
unexplainable way.

The chaos *****
away even at
those seemingly unaffected,
and perhaps,
I've been thrashing
more than
I've known.

Chaos pulls me in
different directions,
questioning my own luck,
my every move,
my own health,
my mother's health,
my father's health,
siblings' health,
friends' health,
neighbors', strangers',
dogs', and even cats',
and each of their
moves in relation
to mine, whether
I will affect them,
or they me.

Yet at the same time,
this holy pause
swaddles me so
fully that inner peace
overtakes that noise.
But I'm swaddled
so tightly,
I'm paralyzed in
this situation within
gratitude for it and
deep fear of
making a wrong
move if I dare try.