how not to quit smoking...
                          what a cods-wallop!
you can hear the stories of smokers
of a packet a day for 20 years:
perhaps they started in the vein:
of a rebellious teen:
going full cold-turkey and abruptly
quitting -
sometimes relapsing...

personally: i don't want to quit...
that there's a myth of coffee and cigarettes...
last time i checked...
there were the people who would
smoke when drinking alcohol...

the smell and the taste of tobacco...
come to think of it...
it was never to be coupled with
coffee: since we're not talking
apéritifs and digestifs and food...

we're talking... nicotine and caffeine...
and we're talking... tobacco
and coffee per se -
a balanacing act of the palette...

smoking always went together with
a bourbon...
never the coffee...
somehow drinking some hard liquor
while enjoying a cigarette...
is so much more...

   there's no need for a cigar...
but all this cold turkey crap and quitting...
i had to take an alternative route...

going cold-turkey for a day...
the thoughts were a problem...
smoking is less a physical addiction
after a while...
something... more... habitual...
during the day: i skipped the first...
and the second... the one with the coffee...
and esp. the ones after a meal...

but when i started looking for a night-cap
i said: ******* cold-turkey...
the day was finished...
    i don't want to: distrust the compliment
something gives another...

cutting down from circa 20 per day...
to 2... and these being smoked when
drinking bourbon?
the middle ground... always the middle ground...

never again: a cigarette on its own...
or with coffee...
most certainly no cigarette smoking
after a meal...
but when the bourbon comes out...
this entire day...
                 how to become more sensible...
pass the day: from one habitual missing
link to another...
taking up a jazz apple...
an orange... some peacan nuts...
fiddling with a toothpick...
everything concerning:
a delay of gratification...

                  and why quit in the first place?
well... covid-19...
the quarantining of healthy individuals...
which implies that...
the moldovians and the romanians
and the bulgarians are not travelling...

       the poles did likewise... once upon a time...
it's hardly a black market of cigarettes...
just... the currency differences...
so they'd sell a carton of marlboros for...
something in the range of...
good old days £25... a carton: 200 cigarettes...
£30 and £35 still pretty decent...
hell... sometimes even coughing up
£45 a carton... dire times...

but... buying cigarettes...
                      at the retail price...
in england... i wouldn't be a "recovering" smoker...
if: the whole "adventure" would be
suicide... i'd sooner have become
a crack-******* addict...

cold turkey day no. 1...
i might as well have just smoked
                  some crack-*******...
or drank 5 cups of espresso...
but since i haven't... drank 5 cups of espresso
and smoked a cigarette...
instead: drank some bourbon
and smoked a cigarette...
             well... it's a really fine balancing act...

the alcohol will have to be the cushion
that i do not over-step the boundaries...
i.e. smoke more than 2 cigarettes in
this session...
               i'll begin with 2...
after an entire day of cold-turkey...
let this be my Pavlov experiment...

        the effect will wear off as quick as
it comes... but to keep the glutton monster
at bay... the same dosage of alcohol...
all in all... to go back to the original
threshold... not this... numbed:
habitual goblin of...
                    the sanctity of a cigarette...
is not with a coffee in the morning...
or after a meal...
or just "anywhere" and at just "anytime"...

the altar of sitting perched on a windowsill...
bourbon in hand...
at the end of the day...
somehow wanting to spew some words
onto a paper...

like hell i'll quit...
but from circa 20 a day: at the lowest ebb...
circa 40...
                to 2 cigarettes a day?
with that compliment of bourbon?
measure! measure of all things!
           enough of what is necessary...
so that... it doesn't become habitual...
outside of the realm of sanctity...
                the ritual of addressing the bed...
many a times...
before that bed: will most certainly
become a coffin...

a sly drink during the day?
no... a devoid of importance cigarette...
at the beginning of the day?
no... but the sanctity of the evening...
well... that's as special as...
the first time someone turned on
a light-bulb!