You were standing at that window again
Looking out, waiting for something to appear only known to you
Gazing at the trees, the sky, whatever your eyes could land on
I leaned against the kitchen door frame
You were in pain
Your body tense and rigid
Screaming in silence
You were seeing objects that weren't there again
Maybe hearing the voices in your head
You never ask for help, even when you need it
You’re too proud at times
I walk up from behind and wrap my arms around your waist
Bury my head between your shoulder blades
You’ll eventually respond
Right now too lost to hold on
It might be ten minutes or hour
But sooner or later I’ll feel your hand on mine
I’ll let out that relieving sigh
Close my eyes and breathe in deep
Knowing you came back to me, to this world
Where reality comes in at interval times
On occasion, you’ll open up and tell me
All the images that go on
So real that you reach out and touch them
Mid-air and you feel them
The texture so pure, so real
Hear their call, smell their presence
And then lying in bed at night
You’ll ask which was real
I try not to cry when I break your heart
And tell you that one, the one you hold onto
Wasn't
Because sometimes you’ll say
Rolled on your side
There were children this time
Hearing your voice crack at the end
Before you regain and tell me
They looked like ours
Had my eyes and your smile
That’s when I do cry, let the tears come down
Knowing that won’t happen for a while
But when it does; you’ll love them more than the world
You beat yourself up too much
As you punch this and that
Making your hand bleed
Tears stream down your face
As you scream
Pleading it to stop
Wishing for an end
To come, round the bend
Sometimes you scream at me
Sometimes your anger gets the best of you
Sometimes you break things
But this disorder, you feel as if it takes away all of you
All the aspects that make you great
Removes all your strength
Strips you down to nothing
Leaving you open and raw
But I think it makes you stronger
Because you survive all it throws at you
You work so hard everyday
And you comfort
You give me the strength to move forward
Soon, I feel your hand touch mine
Sighing in relief
And you ask how long
Wanting to know how long you were lost
As always, I respond, you’re here now
Then you give my hand that gentle almost reassuring squeeze
They say take it one day at a time
One foot in front of the other
Slow and gentle, but steady
It’s a beautiful thing
Watching you exceed any impedimenta that comes your way
There’s something magical about it
A purity in essence, wrapped up in this vulnerability
Exploiting all fears and goals at the same time
Miraculous are you, my dear
A miracle
A son
A husband
A friend
A love
A pure soul
Designed to be great and nothing short of it
And one day
A father