Swimming through paint
Watercolors entangling my fingers and toes
I taste it on my tongue
A grittiness that I have grown to live with
My cheeks stained with blue
I stare at my reflection
But I don’t recognize the collection of eyes that lay in front of me
I run my fingers through it
It ripples and I forget the stranger I’ve seen
The one right in front of me
The one clawing at the surface of the water
The one clawing at the surface of my face
This aching in my chest
It’s there again
It rattles the cobwebs
And I yell at it with clear lungs

Get out

I say

I don’t want you here

And I don’t
But seeing your face
Knowing you’re around
Being in the same room
My ribcage rattles like drums
It drowns out my protest