I didn't mean to let it change me.
I didn't mean to become your enemy.
They said

take the little blue pill once a day

and you'll feel better.
They have degrees for that kind of thing,
so like a compliant idiot,
I agreed.

Every day with a glass of water,
before I went to bed at night,
I downed the seed of my misery.
Our misery.

And while I wasn't looking,
it broke into my thoughts
into my actions
into my conscious

Made me feel guilty when
there was no wrong.
Made me lose track of
where I was going.  
Made me lose sleep
over unfinished conversations.
Made me lose sight
of the sparkle in your eyes.
Made me lose bits and pieces of
the person that you loved.

And I didn't see it
until it was too late.

**** doctors don't
know what they're talking about
after all -

telling people to pay
a small fortune to
lose the treasures they
don't even know they have yet.

Then when those treasures are gone,
when all they have is that little
blue pill and a glass of water,
Who are they then?
Who are you?
Who am I?

We're left as shells of who
we were,
because we swallowed tiny ***** of
hatred before we slept,
before we lied there
in contempt waiting for
something,
anything to take away that
feeling of emptiness
that
acidic churning
created by those
who told us all that it
would be okay.
That it would be better.

Let me tell you something.

Though I know that you're right,
that it will be better,
though I know that those little
pills haven't ruined me,
their effects will fade,

in this moment,
this moment that feels like
forever,
it won't be okay.
it won't be better.

And in this moment,
I need someone to blame.

And I can't blame the doctors,
because they thought
what they did was right.
And I can't blame you,
because you had nothing
to do with it.

I can only blame me,
because I saw it all
too late.

Because by the time I knew
I was spiraling endlessly downward,
I was already at the bottom.