Apr 2020
LA to Tel Aviv - 13 hours 45 minutes
Boarding: Why did I have to bring Avi’s Bar Mitzvah presents? It’s not fair.
Hour 1: I have no leg room and have to squeeze by two strangers to use the restroom. When will food be served?
Hour 2: What? No food, only a tiny bag of pretzels; mom the discount flyer strikes again.
Hour 3: Ok, settling in with my iPad. Rewatching “Stranger Things”
Hour 4: The lady next to me asked if I could watch something different. Apparently she finds “Stranger Things” disturbing.
Hour 5: The lady complained to the flight attendant. She found “Blackhawk Down” more disturbing than “Stranger Things”.
Hour 6: I get into the overhead bin and take out the bag of American candy that I was going to give to Avi. I’ll repackage what’s left into a Ziplock- he’ll be fine.
Hour 7: ***, WTH??? The woman dozed off and has the worst gas- I CAN’T BREATHE!!!
Hour 8: I motion to my sister to trade seats. She flips me off behind her iPad (so that Mom can’t see) and smiles.
Hour 9: Drink service, “Yes I’ll have a double ***** martini.”
“Sorry, you’re twelve.”
Hour 10: I take out a Sharpie and begin a game. I look up “Help Me” on my language app and write it in 26 languages in the in-flight magazine.
Hour 11: The pilot said that Turkey is below us. Are we still allies?
Hour 12: The bag of candy is nearly empty. I feel sick.
Hour 13: I spent the last 45 minutes apologizing to the lady for throwing up on her.
Hour 13:45: Finally here. Let the party begin.
Boarding: Why did I have to bring Avi’s Bar Mitzvah presents? It’s not fair.
Hour 1: I have no leg room and have to squeeze by two strangers to use the restroom. When will food be served?
Hour 2: What? No food, only a tiny bag of pretzels; mom the discount flyer strikes again.
Hour 3: Ok, settling in with my iPad. Rewatching “Stranger Things”
Hour 4: The lady next to me asked if I could watch something different. Apparently she finds “Stranger Things” disturbing.
Hour 5: The lady complained to the flight attendant. She found “Blackhawk Down” more disturbing than “Stranger Things”.
Hour 6: I get into the overhead bin and take out the bag of American candy that I was going to give to Avi. I’ll repackage what’s left into a Ziplock- he’ll be fine.
Hour 7: ***, WTH??? The woman dozed off and has the worst gas- I CAN’T BREATHE!!!
Hour 8: I motion to my sister to trade seats. She flips me off behind her iPad (so that Mom can’t see) and smiles.
Hour 9: Drink service, “Yes I’ll have a double ***** martini.”
“Sorry, you’re twelve.”
Hour 10: I take out a Sharpie and begin a game. I look up “Help Me” on my language app and write it in 26 languages in the in-flight magazine.
Hour 11: The pilot said that Turkey is below us. Are we still allies?
Hour 12: The bag of candy is nearly empty. I feel sick.
Hour 13: I spent the last 45 minutes apologizing to the lady for throwing up on her.
Hour 13:45: Finally here. Let the party begin.
