Four years ago I kissed your eyelids and told you that when we grew old I would tell them to bury my dead body right next to yours so we'd never have to sleep apart A part of me always knew you wouldn't last that long You reached your rough hands to the clasp of my bra and danced naked with me in our livingroom I met you when you thought needles were magic and you thought God was found in a cloud of smoke
I was 17 and the curls in my hair were designed by mother I had my "father's eyes" and my "sister's cheekbones: but you liked my hips and the heart shaped freckle on my lower back the way my brow furrowed before I fell asleep You liked the parts of me no one could whisper "were passed down through the gene pool" You were 20, you had track marks like sleeves up your arms and your frail frame was a byproduct of your mother's addictions and your father's love was formed on the thick skin he made you wear Your lips tasted like peppermint but I loved your heart.
When we got older you got down on one knee and promised a lifetime of yourself to me No one understood that I would have given a lifetime of fighting for you if it meant there was even a small chance that I could mend those wounds Even if I had to suffer every evening tear every glistening moonlight that you begged for more because even though the needle in your arm made you weak I saw the strength you held me up with and I saw the lips that craved for better and I wished a lifetime of happy endings because you'd had a lifetime of sorrows I wanted to capture you in a musicbox because you always made my heart sing and there was kitestring on your finger that you promised you'd never forget and I thought beyond everything else someone must understand so I wrote this poem to show the world the beauty I saw despite the flaw and my parents dreams for "better for me" They didn't know the things you'd seen but they were right I never said you were perfect but when that hot July sun came and you married me under that sycamore tree and promised that you'd spend your life quitting but never on me
So now I'm collecting red roses for all the petals you left on my bed sheets and I'm cleaning out the shirts in your closet because I tried for years but you never wore them You didn't get it I loved you with a fire so deep in the ground I swore I'd never let it burn out and it hasn't but in the end time couldn't let me keep you Time wouldn't let you keep yourself so now they're digging a hole in the ground and I have to leave you there without help because there was a boy with a needle in his arm that couldn't face the past and he cast a long shadow down a forever path and even though he promised forever he had given me the best that he had So I kept his kitestring for another lifetime when we get to sleep together again