I had to be okay
Because it was judged others were worse.
I wasn't aloud to be angry,
Because others were angrier.
I needed the help.
But none was there.
It had all already been allocated to those who needed it 'more'.
I needed my parents,
But only ever had one.
And that one's attention was to busy with another.
I begged the other to step up,
But should of know only the inevitable would follow,
Betrayal and disapointment.
I had to be okay,
Because it was judged that others were worse.
So I became worse.
Losing the fights I had to face alone.
But I was "strong"
I was "independant"
I was "okay"
The truth is I just wasn't a priority,
When I needed to be one.
I was sick of being strong,
I was sick of feeling weak,
I was sick of not being aloud to be angry.
So I became angrier.
My voice would never be heard,
No matter how loud I became.
No matter how logical or articulate.
I was forever fighting,
With the more people shutting me down,
The more I fought.
I was not a priority for anyone.
Even fighting myself.
I could never accept their words,
Deep down begging myself to believe in the truth.
But what truth?
How true is something when everyone who is close to it is in denial
A truth I tried to self teach,
Became this glimmer of hope.
Please Lord let this be the truth.
Let it truly be wrong to be treaated this way.
Please Lord let it not be 'normal'
I can't be the only one not to accept this.
It's a funny thing acceptance.
When everyone goes against you
Recreating this 'truth'.
It is all to easy to get lost in it,
And thats where I found myself.
Lost in every version of this "truth".
Just hanging to this glimmer of hope of what my truth, truly is.