it's bothersome,
how I let this thing well up in my throat,
time and time again.
   and pretend that it's okay,
   that you hurt me as much as you do,
   when in reality it is really not.
you are so beautiful,
everything you do,
and you will never believe it.
   so in return I get pushed away,
   and you see how far you can push me,
   until I stop coming back.
but we both know that will never happen,
you will never be "ready,"
and I will never stop trying.
   one of us will have to give in eventually,
   whether it is love,
   or if it is defeat.
and I reallly don't want to lose.