PLEASE
help me to understand

I loved you so much
so much

and you left?
  me here?

my heart rotting to its core
and my brain feeling dysfunctional.

I loved you with everthing I have.
I love you with everything I have.

I would jump in front of every bullet,
run my nails on a chalkboard,
  lie to my mentor,
   and start chewing.

If it meant you would love me.

Every despicable thing in the world is a mere task,
if it means in the end I will be held in your arms,
with your musk surrounding me,
barely awake, and yet my heart soundly asleep.
For if that would be the case,
the morning I would wake,
happy,
for the first time,
since I first met you.