i actually loved you, i fell in love with how fragile you were, how easy it was to access your love and care. i got to know you better, you became my go to, the person that i depended and i loved feeling how much you needed me back. you were like a lover i never had before, someone that matched my vibe even though we were nothing alike at all. i made us work out, ruining everything and everyone involved in this mess including myself, knowing that i only wanted you temporarily. i tried to save myself by drowning in a sea of lesbianism. you made everything seem like it was ok because you were the one to blame, i was never the problem. i lied, manipulated, and shattered you just as much as you did to me. we left eachother with so many questions and open wounds, i still have dreams where i reach out to you and we lay everything down on the table and be completely honest. but dreams aren't reality, maybe one day i'll understand that this was never love, just mutual ****** desires.