My heart lives in my throat
recently. It lives empty and losing its
pulse in my throat. Day by
day it becomes harder
to swallow. I’m on the edge of choking.

I’m on the edge of stillness, of
no more beating. And then I will
choke. I will choke on my
own still, heavy  heart.
I once knew what it meant
to live. I knew what it meant
to breathe and to see and to feel.
I knew passion and love and
happiness. I once knew what it was like
to feel. And now all I know is this
numbness. All I know is this
empty existence. All I know is waking up
each morning with the prospect of the day
ending already consuming my thoughts. All
I know is not wanting to wake up
at all. I do not know feeling any longer.
I do not know breathing or seeing
or living. I know existing for the sake of not dying.
All I know is not dying. That
is what it has come to. Don’t die
today. Wake up
tomorrow. Get through the
day. Wake up. Get through the
day. Don’t wake up. Don’t
wake up. Don’t wake up.

I am on my way to choking.