I cry on my knees
I laugh out loud,
and do it both at the same time
I look at photographs,
I think about the stars,
I remember the past,
I get sadder and it suddenly hard to grasp
I regret a lot of things,
and I can't breathe
I died in the shower,
I will die again today in the water,
I worry about tomorrow,
as if the day is not enough for suffocation,
I cut and iron my hair,
I draw happy faces on my skin,
I pluck the strings of ukulele,
and read a book about jellyfish
while I listen to a song called Tenderfoot
and still --
I couldn't be able to love myself