**** these nights.
**** them.
**** these feelings of anger, abandonment, fear, and jealousy--
but mostly anger.
**** the way I know I'm not going to like what I find
but keep looking anyway.
**** these memories that follow me around to this day
and keep finding ways to reinvent themselves.
**** the way I torture myself like this
over and over again.
**** that fluttering in my heart that could be mistaken for love
if I weren't so sure it's hatred.
******* for making me so ******* weak
by giving me the world and then taking it away, little by little.
******* for making me so ******* dependent
that I can't even go to sleep without a perfect goodnight.
Yeah, *******.