I am not creating and I am not coming

What's this ****?
It makes me cry, bury my head in your chest
in desires that never come anywhere
Oh, dear,
if I could make myself shake again

I am so afraid

Your closeness changes everything
but my stress
(it unleashes these fears
makes me feel that current
head to feet)
but all those images in my head
falling prey

And I can catch it for a sec
Be my teacher, I'll listen to your words
like pagan scripture
(best scripture)
Can you hold me, through this pain?
Can you take me, high again?

The past is always a ******* dark dart
I can't let it come back

I love you so much
but it feels incomplete
do I have to go through this?
a hole pouring down my heart
Emo imagery - don't dare put down

it is close, it is close!
just close your eyes
and when you arrive
you'll know, you know
(you know the road,
you know the pace leading to the door)