I could never say
if I felt it out of habit,
or just as a defence mechanism.

I could never distinguish
if this boiling, bone-breaking, breathtaking feeling
was just fear or the habit thereof.

I could never elaborate on the why's or the how's,
all I could do thereof was to claim it.
ironically referring to it as mine...

my fear,
belonging to my heart.
being a part of my being!

was this out of habit
or the fear of what I'd be if it didn't relentlessly reside within me?

was it out of habit
that even before I felt it, I'd prepare profusely for how to deal with it?

is this really fear
or the habit of feeling it every time I achieve something?