pencasso

In my room late at night
I’m constantly in a fight
in the middle between my head & my heart
convincing my heart that it’s worthy
& my head not to go off the deep end
what would my family do if I’m no longer around
if I take myself out due to stress from the demons I’m around
you see me smile endlessly but you never ask if I’m okay
or why I choose to sleep just to avoid seeing the day
up all night, intoxicated off liquor & caffeine
& I promised myself that I wouldn’t become a 2nd time fiend
but I became way worse than my own nightmare
I don’t even talk anymore, just a ****** that catches a stare
when I remain silent & refuse to socialize
but you don’t get how I see the devil in so many eyes
I’m either hallucinating or just traumatized from the past
thinking one day he just might just try to **** my ***
then my heart tells me “Don’t open me up to anyone else
I’ve been abused too much to love anyone else
you let the last one get a taste, I ain’t been the same since
& the new one wants me so bad but I’m playing hard defense
one more let down, I promise you it’ll be the end of it all
I’ll make sure you’ll get an early date when your life falls
I can’t take it no more, I’m on the verge of saying goodbye
if it means getting the love from above & we go live in the sky”