saved by the bells
ringing in your head
purer than sea shells
and colder than what’s washed up dead
the shores of my mind
things get lost
littered,
thoughts are tossed out and my feelings are left fleeting and bitter
cherishing the
quiet times or the
quiet nights and the memories of a
bright sunrise
the moment before i’m saved by
nothing. no one.
the anxiety - not clinical,
but so close to it my doctors seem cynical
like a foreign generation,
watched addictions turn into medications
and it’s all in front of me
things laid out, what’s happened and what’s meant to be
when your conscious is a melting *** of past, present, and future
it’s hard to find time to just be you for
a minute
an hour
a ****** up wrist and ice cold showers
my therapist says it’s cause i need something to ground me
but i’ve spent weeks in dungeons and i’ve seen the pinnacle of heaven
and i still miss my dad when i go to 7-11
the worst thing is
residual bleeding
the kind that makes you antisocial
yet people pleasing and
don’t forget how you can’t say no
dissatisfied and my child mind plays the pantomime
kind and selfish, can you see it in my brown eyes?
the eyes that fear the very thing they hold, my soul
is weak and can’t find what it needs, only in love and inevitably disappointing the ones i love for no reason
tears for no reason
starving for what i should’ve eaten a long time ago,
brains are big bullies, bullying my body i’ve done so many sit ups my ribs got shoddy
and
every season is seasonal depression
cause i’m never good enough,
tell me i am and tell me again
tell me i am and tell me again,
then one day my mind and i might make friends