I've seen churches on fire and wondered what that meant. Is God's judgement final? Is his wisdom all spent? I saw the parishioners teary eyed, jaws muscles tightly knit. But, like, how does this help me understand the world or where in it I fit? I don't know if it's courage that you battle the darkness every day Just because you know how much I want you to stay.
I gotta be honest, man. I don't know how to be happy. I don't know how other people do this ****. I don't know much about life or happiness or love. But I do know: it's gonna have to come from us.
Life can be dystopian. It's a long relationship with violence. I've known it to be twisting pain and having to suffer in silence. We are clenched little fingers, nails dug deep into the palms of our hands. We are all odd, emotional nationals of strange and distant lands. Sure, I mean, we were born and raised in the same places. But we stare out from foreign countries behind the eyes in our faces. What works for you, my old friend, will not work for me. You bask in shining, brilliant light but I gotta squint just to see.
We'll lie and say we're happy. Say we're just fine. We try to believe it, too. But we just feel like we were left behind. Like, somehow we missed the day they taught this ****. How is everyone smiling in timeline photos?
Everyone's got perfect teeth and an audience to keep. A life of happiness, assuming we don't look too deep. I wonder if the pervasive sadness is in the water or if it's just in me. I hope for end of tunnel lights and locks to fit this ******* key.
Keep up the fight, my friend. Don't quit. Stay. I know it's ******* hard. I know. Find a way. I love you. I need you. Don't you dare leave me. I'll fit the mold. I'll be what you need me to be.