That night, my eyes paraded along beige pages Dripping with satire, self-loathing and daddy issues And I felt the cynic in me dance like a madman Who had just snapped the neck of a baby bird Cruel and unsympathetic, but dancing all the same
And then my eyes met a string of printed black shapes Which halted me, though lukewarm in comparison To its sibling pushes of ink, jeering and suicidal
The shapes read, “People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.”
It was something I'd touched several times before But denied myself to hold on to I would catch it like a leaf in the wind Then my eyes would cross its black spots And I would let it go, brushing my hands of it
But that night, in my madman craze and my sneering laughter, I felt the familiar bother of a leaf orbiting my skull And my eyeball parade froze and my madman feet could dance no more So I lay there until I felt the sun blush and heard the birds begin to sing For it was not one of their own laying still, plagued by demise
The book is Chuck Palahniuk's "Survivor"
“No sense of the irony of human experience, that we are the highest form of life on earth, and yet ineffably sad because we know what no other animal knows, that we must die.” -Don DeLillo