Mine has been a life of much shame.
I can't even guess myself what it must be to live the life of a human being.
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Whenever I was asked what I wanted my first impulse was to answer "Nothing." The thought went through my mind that it didn't make any difference, that nothing was going to make me happy.
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He could only consider me as the living corpse of a would-be suicide, a person dead to shame, an idiot ghost.