Mar 2020
40-🎂
Solidarity~
I have spent your entire life right here waiting for you, so that if and when the day finally came, I would still be able to be the father that you needed me to be. And with consideration to our special circumstances, I took the position early on, that when it came to the certain perks life has a way of offering a person, that as long as you, my Daughter, were unable to take joy in those things, then when it came my turn to receive them, my only option would be to politely refuse...
Peace of mind, certainty, love & growth.
How could I accept those things?
Comfort, & joy?
Friendships, family, & freedom?
How could I, as your father, allow myself to benefit from the very same things which you have been denied?
I have lived this life, just like you have lived your life all of these years, as your Comrade & fellow prisoner of fate & it's cruelty.
I did not have to live this way, but it was all I could do to feel closer to you, and to try and make you feel less alone. You have been alive for 17 years, "Seventeen". Add up every minute, plus every second that you and I have ever spent in each others company, and it wouldn't even add up to 4 years. And that my dear child is a tragedy...
You and I have been robbed of the opportunities God gave us to make our memories together. Betrayed by the very same individuals who run around claiming they love us.The same thieves who take credit for our best efforts and accomplishments in this life, despite their best efforts to break & destroy us.
You were robbed of the blessings life can give to a young lady with a loving father there to guide her. Robbed by the monsters I allowed into your life. But given your options, (and you had none), what other choice did you have but to grow on without me? Something I remember you telling me you wished you could somehow stop from happening.
None of this has ever been, or will ever be your fault, you were given no other choice.
But I was. I did have a choice. And I chose to stand still and wait for you. I chose to survive this life, but not to move forward in it without you.
You gave me this life, you gave it a purpose and made it a life worth living, so what kind of a$$hole would I be just to go on living it all up without you? How would that have made you feel?
Meaningless & forgotten.
Expendable & unimportant.
That is what happens when you are taken away from the world, & then return to it almost a lifetime later to see how easily that world went on without you. To see how your absence made not one difference in the progression of the lives which you thought you were such an important part of.
That is the closest feeling there is to being dead. That is a cruelty that people suffer when they return home from fighting wars, or after doing time in prisons.
I could never allow myself to be a part of that.
I have gone nowhere, done nothing much at all and progressed very little, all in the name of loyalty to you. Because I'd be ****** If I was going to do anything at all that might cause us to grow any further apart than we already were.
I don't need to be happy, not without you, I don't want to be. I don't want to accomplish great things without you here with me. If I am to have anything else in this life, I prefer to get it because of the inspiration you give me. I don't want to do anything, unless I am doing it for you. Life is just better that way.
This is what I felt was fair, and in case you've never seen it before, THIS is EXACTLY what what Loyalty is supposed to look like.
They all mistook it for failure, when it was nothing less than pure intent. What, was I supposed to explain myself to them, and have my sincerity ruined by ego, vain words, & conciet? No. Hadn't I done that enough throughout the years?
They couldn't see, after all of this time, through my love for them & my loyalty, the lengths that I would go through to stand with someone who needs me?
Wasn't anyone paying attention when I showed them year after year how:
"I'm was never bound to win,
but I was bound to be true."
How I was: "Not bound to succeed,
but bound to live by the light that I have."
How: "I stood with anybody that stood right,
stood with them while they were right,
& stayed committed to them-
even when things went wrong?"
Isn't any of this familiar?
How else could I protest what was happening to you, to us? How else could I show solidarity with my little girl being held captive so far away from home?
Everyone had the same advice "Just forget about it."
"There's nothing you can do."
"Just move on with your life and one day things will work out."
Nothing but excuses out of the mouths of the weak and selfish. The fake, fickle, slippery little fk's that they are.
"I know you!
I know the reality behind the true intent of your deeds.
I see into your Hearts!
And I can see that you are neither Hot nor Cold.
Oh how I would rather have you be one or the other!
And so, because you are Luke'Warm-
I will now spew you from out of my mouth like *****!
You do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful & poor. Blind, naked & dis-loyal.''
Revelations:3:15-17
There are choices in life, and positions to take. Injustice is rampant because more and more people remain impartial to all of the wrongs which they see happening right in front of them, they just use the excuse that "it is none of their business." Until it happens to them, then they will feel what it feels like to be forgotten.
There is always something that can be done. In this life there are sides to take, and stands to make. There is always a sacrifice that can be made. And I am a father who is incapable of pretending like I don't know my daughter is somewhere where she does not want to be. I cant ignore the fact that someone is out there waiting everyday for somethimg, somehow, to come and take her away from a place which opposes every trace of the me that is in your face when they look at you? The us that they hear in your voice when you stand up for what is fair, & for who you are? How could I not feel responsible for that kind of abuse, when I was the inspiration which fuel'd most of it?
So I made my choice. I chose to do time with my daughter, and not replace the hope that she brought into my life, with some sort of new plan which did not include her.
I am the one who chooses, for who, and for what I will live my life. And my choice was that I will live my life when in a time and at a place which suits YOU best, which benefits YOU most, and not a moment sooner.
Finally, that time is close at hand.
And after all of this time, & all of their talk, you'll see, you'll see that when they all left you behind, your father stayed right here waiting for you. I stood still for you. I made sure that your pain was My pain and I lived this life with two broken hearts,
your's💔& mine💔.
When the day comes, you will find me just the same as the day you were were taken away from me, the only difference will be, that I have only grown to need you, and to love you more, not less.
I have been waiting for you all of your life
You are the only thing I have ever had to look forward to. You are my only wish and you are my biggest dream
And I have always loved you and missed you so much, & I miss you now Prescilla more than ever😭 .
I refuse to have a Happy Birthday or a happy any-day without you.
I made you a promise, a promise I am ready to die to keep..
And make no mistake, I am still here.
Immovable-
Solidarity~
I have spent your entire life right here waiting for you, so that if and when the day finally came, I would still be able to be the father that you needed me to be. And with consideration to our special circumstances, I took the position early on, that when it came to the certain perks life has a way of offering a person, that as long as you, my Daughter, were unable to take joy in those things, then when it came my turn to receive them, my only option would be to politely refuse...
Peace of mind, certainty, love & growth.
How could I accept those things?
Comfort, & joy?
Friendships, family, & freedom?
How could I, as your father, allow myself to benefit from the very same things which you have been denied?
I have lived this life, just like you have lived your life all of these years, as your Comrade & fellow prisoner of fate & it's cruelty.
I did not have to live this way, but it was all I could do to feel closer to you, and to try and make you feel less alone. You have been alive for 17 years, "Seventeen". Add up every minute, plus every second that you and I have ever spent in each others company, and it wouldn't even add up to 4 years. And that my dear child is a tragedy...
You and I have been robbed of the opportunities God gave us to make our memories together. Betrayed by the very same individuals who run around claiming they love us.The same thieves who take credit for our best efforts and accomplishments in this life, despite their best efforts to break & destroy us.
You were robbed of the blessings life can give to a young lady with a loving father there to guide her. Robbed by the monsters I allowed into your life. But given your options, (and you had none), what other choice did you have but to grow on without me? Something I remember you telling me you wished you could somehow stop from happening.
None of this has ever been, or will ever be your fault, you were given no other choice.
But I was. I did have a choice. And I chose to stand still and wait for you. I chose to survive this life, but not to move forward in it without you.
You gave me this life, you gave it a purpose and made it a life worth living, so what kind of a$$hole would I be just to go on living it all up without you? How would that have made you feel?
Meaningless & forgotten.
Expendable & unimportant.
That is what happens when you are taken away from the world, & then return to it almost a lifetime later to see how easily that world went on without you. To see how your absence made not one difference in the progression of the lives which you thought you were such an important part of.
That is the closest feeling there is to being dead. That is a cruelty that people suffer when they return home from fighting wars, or after doing time in prisons.
I could never allow myself to be a part of that.
I have gone nowhere, done nothing much at all and progressed very little, all in the name of loyalty to you. Because I'd be ****** If I was going to do anything at all that might cause us to grow any further apart than we already were.
I don't need to be happy, not without you, I don't want to be. I don't want to accomplish great things without you here with me. If I am to have anything else in this life, I prefer to get it because of the inspiration you give me. I don't want to do anything, unless I am doing it for you. Life is just better that way.
This is what I felt was fair, and in case you've never seen it before, THIS is EXACTLY what what Loyalty is supposed to look like.
They all mistook it for failure, when it was nothing less than pure intent. What, was I supposed to explain myself to them, and have my sincerity ruined by ego, vain words, & conciet? No. Hadn't I done that enough throughout the years?
They couldn't see, after all of this time, through my love for them & my loyalty, the lengths that I would go through to stand with someone who needs me?
Wasn't anyone paying attention when I showed them year after year how:
"I'm was never bound to win,
but I was bound to be true."
How I was: "Not bound to succeed,
but bound to live by the light that I have."
How: "I stood with anybody that stood right,
stood with them while they were right,
& stayed committed to them-
even when things went wrong?"
Isn't any of this familiar?
How else could I protest what was happening to you, to us? How else could I show solidarity with my little girl being held captive so far away from home?
Everyone had the same advice "Just forget about it."
"There's nothing you can do."
"Just move on with your life and one day things will work out."
Nothing but excuses out of the mouths of the weak and selfish. The fake, fickle, slippery little fk's that they are.
"I know you!
I know the reality behind the true intent of your deeds.
I see into your Hearts!
And I can see that you are neither Hot nor Cold.
Oh how I would rather have you be one or the other!
And so, because you are Luke'Warm-
I will now spew you from out of my mouth like *****!
You do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful & poor. Blind, naked & dis-loyal.''
Revelations:3:15-17
There are choices in life, and positions to take. Injustice is rampant because more and more people remain impartial to all of the wrongs which they see happening right in front of them, they just use the excuse that "it is none of their business." Until it happens to them, then they will feel what it feels like to be forgotten.
There is always something that can be done. In this life there are sides to take, and stands to make. There is always a sacrifice that can be made. And I am a father who is incapable of pretending like I don't know my daughter is somewhere where she does not want to be. I cant ignore the fact that someone is out there waiting everyday for somethimg, somehow, to come and take her away from a place which opposes every trace of the me that is in your face when they look at you? The us that they hear in your voice when you stand up for what is fair, & for who you are? How could I not feel responsible for that kind of abuse, when I was the inspiration which fuel'd most of it?
So I made my choice. I chose to do time with my daughter, and not replace the hope that she brought into my life, with some sort of new plan which did not include her.
I am the one who chooses, for who, and for what I will live my life. And my choice was that I will live my life when in a time and at a place which suits YOU best, which benefits YOU most, and not a moment sooner.
Finally, that time is close at hand.
And after all of this time, & all of their talk, you'll see, you'll see that when they all left you behind, your father stayed right here waiting for you. I stood still for you. I made sure that your pain was My pain and I lived this life with two broken hearts,
your's💔& mine💔.
When the day comes, you will find me just the same as the day you were were taken away from me, the only difference will be, that I have only grown to need you, and to love you more, not less.
I have been waiting for you all of your life
You are the only thing I have ever had to look forward to. You are my only wish and you are my biggest dream
And I have always loved you and missed you so much, & I miss you now Prescilla more than ever😭 .
I refuse to have a Happy Birthday or a happy any-day without you.
I made you a promise, a promise I am ready to die to keep..
And make no mistake, I am still here.
Immovable-
