at night
when i can't sleep
i think of what could've been
specifically
what you and i could've been

we're always sitting on a couch
laughing
cuddling
snuggling
loving

it's always daytime
we're always watching a movie

and i suddenly turn to you
clasp your face in my hands
and kiss you
with a smile on my face
and love written in the way i tightly close my eyelids

and after a moment
i pull away
and whisper
"i love you more than all the universes combined"
and you whisper back
"i love you more"
so i laugh and hug you
and listen to your heart
as it thumps in your chest

and the artificial memory plays on repeat
again and again
until it's a stake driven into my barely beating heart

and so i look for my phone
so i can talk to you
and i begin to sob
and i begin to type
and i begin to take you in
everything you are and ever will be

i listen to the way you perfectly laugh
i watch the way you perfectly smile

but most of all
i feel your feelings
halfway across this misshapen continent
the romantic ones you once had

and we talk about the february over a year ago
when i had feelings for you too
but cast them aside into nothingness

and i know that you
my could've-been-lover
are the only reason i'm still alive