because this life is pain and pain and beautiful pain and you *** and you go and you stay the night in the bed of some beautiful creature that couldn't possibly be the same ***** ragged species as you and you think OH MY GOD I DON'T BELONG IN THIS PLACE and you try to convince yourself that it would be easier to leave because everything is wretched and everyone is wretched and most of all you are wretched but you stay because the mother isn't finished scolding you yet and because death is still afraid of you and there are still deep and aching pains to feel and because of those deep and aching pains there are bright and powerful joys to feel but they will not stay and so we will throw tantrums until our lives are **** and we try to leave again but the mother isn't finished scolding us yet and death is still afraid of us