Feb 2020
im afraid of recovery
because i’m afraid i’ll actually get better
i’m afraid i’ll actually want to eat
want to live
want to be happy
this hole that i’m in is as much of me as i am of it
it’s all i know
i’m tired being here but i don’t want to leave
im afraid of recovery
because im afraid of who i’ll be
and who i’ll see
when i look to this past
and wonder
why i was so afraid of recovery
because i’m afraid i’ll actually get better
i’m afraid i’ll actually want to eat
want to live
want to be happy
this hole that i’m in is as much of me as i am of it
it’s all i know
i’m tired being here but i don’t want to leave
im afraid of recovery
because im afraid of who i’ll be
and who i’ll see
when i look to this past
and wonder
why i was so afraid of recovery
part of a longer "poem". i feel as if i dont even write poetry, i just stack my thoughts in stanzas and call it a piece of creative work. i'm a sad excuse of a writer.
