I don't think it's you

I used to think you were a mad bull in the china  cabinet of my life
Raging
Smashing
While I sat frozen on the floor watching the pieces of my life fall around me
But now I realize that
You never meant to hurt me
You didn't try to hurt me
You are not an angry bull
It's not you that is breaking everything
It's me
I am as unstable
as a drunk rhinoceros walking a tightrope, I sway
Trying to stay sane, functional
Terrified of falling into insanity
Overthinking brain drawing emotions into everything
My own darkness pressing into me
I curl tightly into a ball
Trying to hold my pieces together
Writing poetry
Thinking that you were the problem
When the problem
All along
Was
Me