Show me eternity as you begin your torture with me the beginning has no ending it's all too painful to count with each cut and stab the blood drips drips down my flesh as I grow colder weaker and numb I can only look at my life all the times I was happy it wasn't worth being sad yet I had to ruin what happiness I had never letting it remain scaring myself away I am at home in misery pushing in all the hatred and indifference keeping myself alive in the heart of night surviving from the luster of hellish nightmares learning to survive closing my eyes what happiness came when it all went away when I could feel the warmth from the light of day those moments are screaming to get out again still alive in me caged in by all the cynical memories nothing ever lasts it's not meant to be I'm just a page in a book that always gets erased use me for a different story and laugh at my anguish when things get better I have so much to hold together before it all falls apart I can live with a unhappiness forever expecting a broken heart but sometimes I remember I know better and maybe it's all just for the sake of art and it's all just a joke I don't want people know how I really am as they often sabotage my dreams and ridicule my beliefs I don't have to be gay or have psychological disorders to face the oppression I deal with every day the worst judge in my life is myself I'm too different in my own mind to belong the silence is what kills me in the end the comfortable discomfort I know so well bleeding out of me by the second the nectar of animistic life leaving me empty as I have often felt now it will all dry on the ground with my last breath I will hold it for as long as I can to drag out the misery for one last thought of gratitude as I look at my killer "Thanks for thinking about me"