Show me eternity
as you begin your torture with me
the beginning has no ending
it's all too painful to count
with each cut and stab
the blood drips drips down my flesh
as I grow colder
weaker and numb
I can only look at my life
all the times I was happy
it wasn't worth being sad
yet I had to ruin what happiness I had
never letting it remain
scaring myself away
I am at home in misery
pushing in all the hatred and indifference
keeping myself alive in the heart of night
surviving from the luster of hellish nightmares
learning to survive closing my eyes
what happiness came when it all went away
when I could feel the warmth from the light of day
those moments are screaming to get out again
still alive in me
caged in by all the cynical memories
nothing ever lasts
it's not meant to be
I'm just a page in a book that always gets erased
use me for a different story and laugh at my anguish
when things get better
I have so much to hold together
before it all falls apart
I can live with a unhappiness forever
expecting a broken heart
but sometimes I remember I know better
and maybe it's all just for the sake of art
and it's all just a joke
I don't want people know
how I really am
as they often sabotage my dreams and ridicule my beliefs
I don't have to be gay or have psychological disorders
to face the oppression I deal with every day
the worst judge in my life is myself
I'm too different in my own mind to belong
the silence is what kills me in the end
the comfortable discomfort I know so well
bleeding out of me by the second
the nectar of animistic life
leaving me empty as I have often felt
now it will all dry on the ground
with my last breath I will hold it for as long as I can
to drag out the misery for one last thought of gratitude
as I look at my killer
"Thanks for thinking about me"