my family giggling in the living room
i gulped the cider and slipped outside
unnoticed, of course
outside i glance at the window
they have each other
but i am empty

my view is black and white
in contrast to the falling snow
i wish to feel numb to all things
the chill nips at my ears
i slide the zipper down my coat
and slip it off to reveal my tee
pleading that the frosty air
clamp down on me

lost in a world of blissful darkness
i unravel even more
and lie in my shorts
on the cold ground
so emotionless and young
never have i been
more morbidly aware of my loneliness
never have i been
so satisfied