i always end up saying
"it's all my fault"
even when sometimes it's not
but in reality, and all retrospect
it is
my fault

people ask
"why are you blaming yourself?"
and i always say
that it is my fault
because i add fuel to the fire
i talk **** about people
who shouldn't even matter to me
people i knew would ruin my life

they aren't coming back
i know that
but for some reason i know i'm going to miss it
and that's my fault
i know i'm going to end up
shutting down
and doing something i'm going to regret

so i'm sorry and i know that i'm going to say it
a lot
even if it's not my fault
you'll tell me
"it's okay, it's really not your fault"
but deep down we all know:
i'm an awful friend
i don't deserve such good people in my life
i don't deserve something as special as life after
all the things i caused
our what seemed "perfect group"

i ruined it
i damaged it
i know it'll never be the same
but what's one less person?