I spend the nights shaking. Drenched in sweat. I dream of you often. I do not want to, yet i do.

I've had dreams where my teeth where getting ripped off straight out my mouth. And yet the ones with you are the scariest ones to me.

I'm afraid i'm of no good use to you or to anyone else no more. Afraid i'll never get the chance to see you. Even for a minute.

I wish i could see you, even if i dropped dead an hour later. I no longer fear death. What is there to fear about it after all? It's only the end of a bad journey.. I'm afraid to die without one last great moment though.

I want to live. I want to live to see you smile again. No matter how confused i get at moments, your smile is one of the few things to help clear my mind. It just makes sence on such an awfull world.

I wish i never met you. Things would be more simple. And i would be feeling better. I'm afraid for you. Afraid that you won't make it through on your own. And that only scares me more.

What more is there left for me here? What more is there to live for? My chest is tight and i feel as if i breath fire through my lungs.

I light up my last cigarette and wonder if i'll live long enough to have another one later on..

Fear is a tertible burden to carry.