Jan 2020
Sorry Mr Jolly, I don't think your quite that frail
I offered my assistance, but now I'll have to bail
Your requirements are beyond me, a wash from top to tail !
My qualifications do not extend, to care for an older male
Who normally does your personals, why can't you get a bath ?
Official carers they just leave, and you can't get the staff
Does Mr Jolly scare them off, before they grace his path
Or maybe your too vulnerable, when you expose your bottom half ?
Sorry Mr Jolly, if your really all that smelly
I wouldn't be that comfortable, if I just washed your belly
Regardless of all other things, I'll stay home with the telly
And I'll see you in Psychoville, alongside Mr Jelly
Community spirit's one thing, but I'm afraid it must be trashed
Those parts of old men's body's, in my presence should be stashed
Mr Jolly I am sorry, if your washing dreams are dashed
I didn't really fancy, any part where I get splashed
Sorry Mr Jolly, can I give you a small tip
Emergency numbers aren't for you, to have a bath or strip
Scrub ups are not possible, and a shaving I must skip
Hygienic services I can't provide, cos I'm not well equip
Who said that I'd do anything, I think their just a wally
Old mens plonkers can't be handled, by a young blonde dolly
I wouldn't even try it, covered with an open brolly
What your asking I can't do, I'm Sorry Mr Jolly
I offered my assistance, but now I'll have to bail
Your requirements are beyond me, a wash from top to tail !
My qualifications do not extend, to care for an older male
Who normally does your personals, why can't you get a bath ?
Official carers they just leave, and you can't get the staff
Does Mr Jolly scare them off, before they grace his path
Or maybe your too vulnerable, when you expose your bottom half ?
Sorry Mr Jolly, if your really all that smelly
I wouldn't be that comfortable, if I just washed your belly
Regardless of all other things, I'll stay home with the telly
And I'll see you in Psychoville, alongside Mr Jelly
Community spirit's one thing, but I'm afraid it must be trashed
Those parts of old men's body's, in my presence should be stashed
Mr Jolly I am sorry, if your washing dreams are dashed
I didn't really fancy, any part where I get splashed
Sorry Mr Jolly, can I give you a small tip
Emergency numbers aren't for you, to have a bath or strip
Scrub ups are not possible, and a shaving I must skip
Hygienic services I can't provide, cos I'm not well equip
Who said that I'd do anything, I think their just a wally
Old mens plonkers can't be handled, by a young blonde dolly
I wouldn't even try it, covered with an open brolly
What your asking I can't do, I'm Sorry Mr Jolly
Based on events experienced by a friend who offered their number for emergency purposes only and was obviously misunderstood .
It also inspired a re-write of "I'd do anything" which is attached in these notes.
I'd Do Anything (Re-Write):
I'd do anything for Jolly
Anything
For Jolly's everything
To me
I know that
I'd go anywhere to bathe you
Anywhere
To shave you
Everywhere I see
Would you shave below
Anything
With everything on show
Anything
Bending like a bow
Anything
Go from head to toe
And back again
he'd risk everything for one kiss
Everything
Yes he'd risk anything
Anything?
Anything for you
I'd go anywhere to bathe you
Anywhere
To shave you
Everywhere I see
I know that
I'd do anything for Jolly
Anything
For Jolly's everything
To me
To me!
To me!
To me!
To me me me me me!
I'd do anything for Jolly
Anything
Yes I'd do anything
Anything?
Anything for you
Would you clean old Joll
Anything
Would you scrub his pole
Anything
No matter what his goal
Anything
Even wash his hole
Yes everything
You'd scrub his every limb
To keep Mr Jolly Clean
Yes you'd wash anything
Anything?
Anything for him
It also inspired a re-write of "I'd do anything" which is attached in these notes.
I'd Do Anything (Re-Write):
I'd do anything for Jolly
Anything
For Jolly's everything
To me
I know that
I'd go anywhere to bathe you
Anywhere
To shave you
Everywhere I see
Would you shave below
Anything
With everything on show
Anything
Bending like a bow
Anything
Go from head to toe
And back again
he'd risk everything for one kiss
Everything
Yes he'd risk anything
Anything?
Anything for you
I'd go anywhere to bathe you
Anywhere
To shave you
Everywhere I see
I know that
I'd do anything for Jolly
Anything
For Jolly's everything
To me
To me!
To me!
To me!
To me me me me me!
I'd do anything for Jolly
Anything
Yes I'd do anything
Anything?
Anything for you
Would you clean old Joll
Anything
Would you scrub his pole
Anything
No matter what his goal
Anything
Even wash his hole
Yes everything
You'd scrub his every limb
To keep Mr Jolly Clean
Yes you'd wash anything
Anything?
Anything for him
