thoughts and feelings
and prayers and healings
and ceilings in bedrooms
that i'm staring at
while railing
and holding onto the railing
as her legs are flailing
and she's moaning and screaming
but i'm still just thinking
about another girl
that i used to be with
used to please
and sleep with
under the covers
she kisses me
while i talk to my friend on the phone
i'm in so much bliss
and my stomach
is sending signals
to the rest of my body
and saying
here u go, feel good
i'm under the knife
the IV in my veins
it's flowing too strong
don't pull it out
because i won't be able to live
without it
****
****
****
I pull out
and bust
and lay there
silent
as the music plays
and the heavy breaths
she puts her hand on my chest
but i have no response
i just stare up straight
at the ceiling
with this same feeling
and the same thoughts
and prayers
and wishes
that the girl lying next to me
was someone different
but it isn't
and so
i live to see another day
and say goodbye
let her out the door
and head back
to my life
which i thought
would be nice
if i took a break
and had this other girl
to sleep with
like that would solve all my problems
but they're still here
waiting
and the drug is gone
luckily
i'm still breathing
another night
another sound
another girl
but still not her
so i still feel
this same way
man
i can't wait
til i see the day
that my new love
rescues me away
from this empty