My death was at an odd time in my life. I never
got to fully experience what it was like to be an adult.
My life was filled with waiting, waiting to be
finally old enough to do the things I wanted to
do. I waited to go out with my friends after dark like
you see in the movies. In them you always see teenagers going
on road trips and I waited thinking to myself 'that
will be the day I have fun.'  But even when I did get
older, I never did those things.
I filled my life with fantasy- reading books that projected
the world that I wanted to experience. I sought out magic
in people and the things I did. My magic was painting.
The art room was the place I felt special and like I had
reason to be.
But even so, I waited with my artistic skills. I waited
for them to get better, but they never did.
I always loved helping people. I would always be nice
and I looked for the best in them hoping and wanting
to be liked by everyone- and what teenage girl doesn't
want to be? I waited for the invites to parties to go
get drunk at, I waited to get a high school sweetheart, and
I waited for the time when I would be prom queen.
These are the things that I thought where what you
did in school and I yearned for these experience.
They never came.
I thought that those things would make me happy,
that if I waited long enough they would just naturally accrue.
But I waited for the wrong things. I never realized that
sometimes you have to dive into what you love like
painting and that you have to look around and appreciate
the people and moments that are now.