Psychobabble in progress. Waiting for the flow......
Slow and steady but I feel like a hurricane.
In order to express I have to dig,
so much under my walls with such itty-bitty living space.
I catch my subconscious thinking inspiration is a race.
Though, that frame of mind is hard to avoid in such a place.
And ostentatious race, needing metaphorical mace.
So many wolves, it's hard to know what's looking for love and what's looking to feed.
I don't understand the part of me that gets so completely chaotic whenever I try to let someone in. I tell myself it's because there's no new found security in our relationship yet but part of me knows it'll still be there once we get past it (this time I really feel like we will). I don't want to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. There's an indescribable feeling of chaos, it's beautiful, but it's still chaos. I beat myself up for acting so clammy. So much warmth under an ice cold exterior. It's so frustrating, there's walls not even I can penetrate sometimes. My own scar tissue has a lot more control over me than I thought. I'm almost there, I'm ready for it. There's just something about not having a firm foundation to stand on quite yet that kind of makes me feel like a fish out of water at times.Today I'm fluctuating between feeling beautiful and like totally chaos. I just hope he's patient when dealing with such delicate merchandise.
I have a tendency to forget that others are just as vulnerable as myself.