I attack myself.
Wanting to hold onto you,
Loving that I see you you everywhere.
Hating this dependency,
Disgusted by what is now roaming free in my mind and soul.

These thoughts of having hurt,
These thoughts of causing hurt.
Most of all I fear the need for hurt.

I am so desperate for water.
There are springs overflowing with life,
Rivers running rapid with love.
Still I travel painfully into a desert to seek water from a cactus.

Bleeding with every attempt,
Thorns left beneath my skin.
Once I break through for the small drops of water there,
I find that they were never meant for me.

I deserve to splash in the water,
Swim in the ocean,
Dance in the rain.

I deserve life and love,
Honesty and trust.

How is it that pain can out way pleasure?
That hurt can out way love?
That cacti can out way the water of life?