Everything I do
It's all wrapped up in you
It's like our thoughts are on the same baking sheet, running together as the heat increases
Forming one big lump of something delicious
I was just trying to finagle my way into getting there
And now you're going
Alone
Alone for a whole month
Maybe you'll be better when you're back
Maybe you'll want me around again
I understand needing space but you clearly aren't living in solitude
That's what hurts I guess
The other people you're surrounding yourself with
You'd rather them, than me
They've been toxic for years
I've been a salve for the last one
I'm still confused
I'm still sad
I will probably still cry for hours and make bad decisions with even worse people
You won't be there when I need you because I'll be too scared to talk to you when I can't handle life
I won't want you there when I cry because I'll be crying over you
Over
and
Over
and over.
The memories replay in my mind
No more late night excursions into further knowing each other and wandering around never getting lost because you always know where you are.
No more late night talks about anything.
No more I love yous.
No more texts that make me laugh in inappropriate situations.
No more small encouragements when I feel at my worst.
I miss you like you're gone. Even though I know you're not.
But while
I may be dead to you

The worst part is

I’m dead inside

Of course I still care

about you

I love you

until there is no more of me left

I will love you

I will always be sad when I think of you

And remember that we were supposed to be those special

Forever

Friends

I will always mourn the misunderstanding that ended us

The ridiculous notion that I didn’t appreciate you for exactly who you were

For the person that lives inside of you

Just waiting for you to discover him

I won’t let him die.

I will keep him alive in my heart and I will love him until the end of all that I know

I will never stop loving you

I’m breaking half thinking about you

Jack helps

But he’s an expensive friend to keep around

I’m thinking of checking out

Just leaving everyone behind and becoming someone no one will recognize

I’m a fan of that

I’m a fan of being something totally different for the time being

Taking the time to know that it’s not who I am

But what I do

That drives people away

Because you don’t deserve me right now

You don’t deserve to realize that I’m actually pretty great

I will remember everything you say

I will take it all to heart

And I will shower you with love when you let me

But for now

I’m gone
And
As the nicotine numbs my lips
And everyone tells me I’m better off

I deserve better
I don’t need you

That you’re being spiteful 

And mean

I can’t accept it 

Even though you’ve ripped out my heart 

And part of my soul

Grinding them up into dust 

I can’t listen to people put you down

I can’t accept what they are saying 

Shame on me

For thinking so little of myself 

If anyone else had done this to me 

You’d be furious 

Yelling at me about all the same things everyone is telling me about you 

Love and blood and sweat and tears be ****** 

I won’t let you break me 

It doesn’t matter that I’m doing it for who I thought you were
It matters that its happening