EYES
two three four
RIGHT
two three four
The commands still fresh in my head
     we piled on the bus before dawn.
On the way to the airport I took off my
     glasses and put in contact lenses that
     had been sitting in a closet for eight weeks.
It felt good to look like myself again.

I would never be myself again.

I saw the sun rise in Phoenix, dawning
     on my new life. Warm March morning
     seeping through terminal windows
     waiting for our connecting flight. We
     paced in anticipation.

Pacing. Pacing. Pacing. Waiting. Boarding.

Landing.

Surrounded by smiling, welcoming faces
     and yet instantly alone. I had too many
     bags and had to carry them up three flights
     of stairs by myself. It was late. I didn't
     make my bed in the morning.

I got yelled at.

I was instantly alone.
In this shining bright dawn on a brand new
     age sun warm on my face fog cool on
     my skin

I was instantly violently terrifyingly alone.
And I would never be myself again.