I placed my gaze dangerously on the abyss.
I didn't jump.
Instead I pondered it.
"Nobody understands." I thought.
I felt the anxiety and sadness to its full force.
I let the curiosity of no return overwhelm me.
I suddenly felt such a passion and love for the life within me.
Where did such a love come from?
All the time leading up to this I'd felt it wither away and now,
when I decide I'm done with it, it comes back.
I've been cheated.
My own heart tells my mind lies.
Are they not friends?
Other people can let go; free fall. Not me.
Though many times I've convinced myself I would jump, I was lying.
Though many times I've convinced myself that I was over you, I was once again lying.
In previous dreams this would be the part where I would back away from the ledge; I'd reel you in.
Only this time, you showed up and pushed me over the edge.
Everything was different now.
Forever?
I had wanted this, hadn't I?
The sad part is that even though you caused this suicide to be a ******, I will forgive you.