I am not anything you say I am.
Simply because you say I am.
Some words frighten me,
Shouldn’t be used for me,
Don’t involve me.
They are things I will always search for in others,
Things I find so easily in others.
Not in myself.
They do not exist.
Though maybe I wish they did.
I am small,
protected and
unprotected.
Build up so many walls,
So many towers.
These towers come with guards.
These guards,
expert marksmen.
Half the time I feel lost and confused,
Searching for meaning and understanding….
Not searching at all.
Things just get more confusing,
Things pile on before others get resolved.
Always felt like I was doing what I was told.
Left home,
Found different.
Grew.
Now I must go back.
Take time off, but really turn time on.
This is not something meant to affect other people,
Though I’m telling myself it will.
This is something absolutely for me.
So maybe these guards, towers, walls will be removed,
Maybe I’ll find meaning, understanding, direction..
Maybe I’ll see in myself those things seen so easily in others.
Those things I’ve been told…
And so quickly, readily, easily
Denied.
I want to find them.
So I will go where ever this search takes me
And I hope some of you tag along.
But just because you’re not, doesn’t mean I’m not
Going.