No matter what I say or do, the road leads back to you

So you sit there and you realize you can't focus on anything
But you still sit there and you try
All you're good for these days is thinking and getting your rebellious *** into trouble
Thinking?
Yeah, I think that's the right word for it
You sit and you try to decide if you've changed
And then you think, if you have changed, is it good or is it bad?
And what has changed anyways?
And then it's gone
Because you don't care
You don't care about one single thing and almost anyone who knows you, knows that
That single aspect of you is the most obvious of your persona
How does that make you feel?
It's the truth and you know it so you leave it alone
You leave everything alone that has to do with yourself
You hate acknowledging the fact that you're human like everyone else
But you still find yourself asking
Why feel?
Why live?
Why die?
Why think?
Why?

And then you frequently find yourself wanting to give up
And you want to, so ******* bad but something keeps you holding on
The one person who you allow to let you feel because you can't help it
Even with your ******, stubborn wall up, he still breaks through and gets to you and then all the feeling is just there
It wasn't there before you saw him
But the second you come into his presence, you feel alive again
And it's frustrating because that same person who keeps you holding on and feeling, is the same person who makes you want to give up and stop feeling all together
I don't blame you because of the way you feel when you're with him
He's got you wrapped around his finger and you follow him around like a scared, little puppy
And you can never tell if he feels the same and you can never seem to figure him out
It's a frightening cycle

No wonder you don't want to feel
But no wonder you do
It's also sad to think that just by this person coming up and putting his arm around you is the one reassurance that shows he might care
And is the one thing that brings you back up and tells you not to give up just yet

So I see you shaking on the edge in fear and confusion
But I can see your reasoning because when your chest swells up when you feel him close
And when you almost give up but find yourself ****** back in, you seem okay
And you seem happy in a weird, lost, kind of way
So I guess things are okay for you
I guess this is how it is
But it's also like, I don't know why you're still waiting…