i talked to you for the first time in months. like really, really talked to you. and it felt so weird because we weren’t saying i love you. we weren’t planning what time i was coming over. we weren’t arguing about who was cuter, or who loved who more, or arguing about stupid little things. and i guess it was weird because i was okay with it. you do all of those things with her now, and i do all of those things with him. its weird because we used to be so in love. my heart craved you and every bit and piece of you. my body ached for yours to be with it. my mind wandered, looking around for yours. but now, it doesn’t. and oh, the tears i cried. my heart was indeed broken. and i suppose that means i truly loved you.

the first time i saw you, you were hugging another girl. and i had no clue that in the following months after that that we would just happen to stand next to each other at that game. i had just played, and smelled awful, you didnt care. i didnt know that we’d go to the pumpkin patch and pick out pumpkins together, i didn’t know we’d have food fights in your kitchen, or word search competitions with your family. i didnt know we’d pull all nighters just cause we never wanted to stop talking to each other, or that we’d trade clothes, or kiss in the hallways, or have cuddle fights. i didnt know we’d cry together as we watched stupid movies. i didnt know we’d fall in love like we did. i never thought we would.

the last time i saw you, you were sitting in front of me. i wondered how you were doing, truly. i wondered how your dad was, and your mom, how her students were, especially the one with the same name as you. the one that wrote you a letter about salad being party food. i wondered if your beautiful green eyes still looked just as magnificent in the sunlight as they did that day we went ice skating. i wondered if you look at her how you used to look at me.

yesterday night we reminisced. we talked about old times. old inside jokes. old memories. we talked about your new girl, and my new guy. we didnt talk about your dad and how he’s doing, or how mine is. we didnt say “ i love you”, we didnt talk on the phone all night, we didn’t argue about who was cuter. we are not in love anymore. we have both moved on. yesterday i told you we should catch up more often. yesterday you told me you had watched a movie we made a bet about months ago, and i lost. but the truth is, you, darling, are the one that lost. you gave up on me, and for that i forgive you. but i want you to know that though i lost that bet, you lost when you let me walk away.