I turn to a new clean page
To start a new chapter in my life
To forget the past, to start anew
To paint a picture that is not filled with tears, pain or suffering
A picture where I don't cry at night, rather I sleep soundly
A picture where I see my body as a home, rather than filled with cracks and flaws
A picture of the images of my imaginations, filled with sparks of life and magic

But that page still has stains
From the broken parts of me...from the past
Rain stains, that fell from my eyes with gray and dark blue ink
from the times I was on the verge of falling off that cliff of stability,
on the verge of losing it all and giving up
Blood stains,
from the times when I drew a straight red line with a silver pen
and see the red paint dripping down on my arms
Those battles, some almost ending in defeat
But most of all,
I see the aftermath of a storm
Stains of debris of trauma, fear, and heartbreak
From the times where I have learned that
When you fall, no one can catch you
Not even your friends....who you thought you could trust
Who you thought will never leave you, but lied

Although I turn to a new page
To a white, pure smooth piece of paper
There will always be the stains
of all my pain
that will never go away