It was so good to be wanted by you for a time.

Though the wanting did feel as though
It was fading
Like when my newly blonded hair, the roots start to shine through
And I was out here thinkin' and hopin'
I was out here
Always longing for more than you
Wanted to give me
So.

I deleted all our events, vacation
Threw away items
Boxed up pictures
Lit fire to my fears
And I wonder if you're laying in bed
Watching tv endlessly
Leaning into the love and friendliness
Of your headset
Enjoying your phone not buzzing
Enjoying your phone not buzzing
By me.

And I know in time
You'll so miss that buzz from the bee
From the bee you tried to
Squeeze the honey out of
Only for your own use
Though it was always you
Who was sure to never claim
The ways you hurt me
The ways you put me down.

There was a time when you were so proud
It was like through the screens of our phones
I could sense, or want to sense
Your pride, your joy
To get to be with
Little, mighty, magical me.

I know it must have been a delight
And clearly such a damper
To be with someone who shines so brightly
And I wonder if you're already out there looking again
Trying to quiet the sound of my absence
Trying to quiet the sound of my goneness.

You said once you loved when I wrote you poems
And I wanted to imagine you
As more cheerful
Than you presumed.

I'll miss the songs we sang
Or when we would play video games
And you would refer to us as
We. We. We. We.

Maybe thats what all this was for
And I don't think I'll ever
Forget the way we tried to adore
But I was always looking for more
I was always looking for more.

I'm glad it was so on my terms
All of it
And you'll never know the true weight
Of how much I learned from you
And a part of me still sorta hopes
That you'll want to try again.

But I give up.
For now I give up
The way you couldn't look at me
That morning before you left
When you denied my embraces
When you denied your embraces